Aside 62: Why Have I Not Released Anything Yet?

To me, game development is an intensely personal activity; it’s art, it’s the purest form of self-expression. I have poured my heart and soul into this game for more than three years now, much as I poured my heart and soul into all the intermediate projects that came before. But people keep saying, “why have you not released anything yet?”

The answer is complex.

First, and probably foremost, as game development is so intensely personal, so I have an intense fear of giving it to other people — because to do so is to give myself to other people. What will they think? What if — and this is very likely, given my understanding of the successes of similar and not-so-similar games — they don’t like it? Ultimately, I would rather the mere potential that my friends will dislike it than the actuality of such, because to dislike or even be indifferent towards this thing into which I have put my life is to dislike or be indifferent towards me. That is how important it is, rightly or wrongly.

Second, as game development to me is Art, so it is bound up in the vision of what I want to create. To give that to people before it is right is to risk that vision being corrupted. Is the game in a good state right now? Yes, yes it is. Does it match the minimum of what I consider to be a coherent and cohesive unit? No, it does not. The game I have planned is large and detailed; while many of the broad strokes and foundations are now in place for the earliest piece of that vision, many more are not.

Third, although it may not be obvious now, there is a heavy narrative component. I have plans for this mythos and I intend to develop it over many different scenarios over many years using the same base engine and materials. Once I release a single thing, then that narrative will no longer be fluid — it will become concrete. Much as I rail against retcons and ass pulls in other media, I do not want to put myself in a position where I will be forced to undo previous work that should be set in stone because I made a hasty choice for the sake of releasing something. Whose deadline am I working to anyway?

Fourth, I am a lone developer, and as I want to develop this single thing over many years after its initial burst, so I only have one shot at making a first impression. I fully intend to spend some money on marketing when the time is right, but I absolutely cannot afford to have that undermined by jumping the gun and starting the ball rolling too soon. I announced enough WC3 map projects Too Soon back in the day to be able to afford to do it to something genuinely important. Triple-A game developers can rely on a buggy first release and promises of massive overhaul patches, but a nobody like me cannot.

So please, do not ask me why I have not released this yet. I am acutely aware of all that I have done so far, all that I have not released versus all that I want to build, and this is incredibly difficult in so many ways. Please, trust me.

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