Blog 381: Internets

As some of you may be aware, I haven’t been online very much recently. No, this is not solely due to Mass Effect 2 (which I need to ruminate on further before reviewing), this is due to BT ruining everything.

Basically, our internet connection dropped out last Tuesday evening. After restarting the HomeHub, it remained unable to connect, so we assumed a hitch at the exchange and left it until the next morning. Alas, nothing was fixed by that time.

Naturally, when all else fails, you phone tech support. They’ll understand and send somebody to the exchange, right?

BT has a terrible terrible helpdesk. No, sir, I have already restarted the HomeHub five times and this has not solved my problem. No, sir, we do not need an engineer to come out, our landline still works. Once you get past restarting the HomeHub, it’s game over. The worst thing is that this happened before, maybe a couple of years ago, and we faced the same fight to convince them we had done everything and it wasn’t our fault.

The man even tried to suggest that our phone wires might not have been installed by BT, and so were faulty. To add insult to injury, he followed this up by asking if we had recently moved house. Yes, we replaced all the phone wires with cheap imports and moved house on Tuesday afternoon without realising it, I’m terribly sorry to bother you you fucking cunt-bucket.

The bastard even had us reset the thing to factory settings — “Just hold this button down for 20 seconds”. You could have said I was going to lose all that hard-won port-forwarding data. Oh look, it didn’t solve the problem! I totally wasn’t expecting that outcome! Will you listen to me now? No! Restart it again!

After three days and many useless tech support calls, somebody finally went to the exchange and fixed it. “Problem with the circuit.” This was Friday morning. I quickly downloaded all my Mass Effect 2 entitlements (armour from Dragon Age, Collector’s Edition gubbins, free-DLC-released-at-the-same-time-as-the-actual-game-so-why-the-fuck-is-it-DLC…).

Lucky I did, because by Friday afternoon the connection had disappeared again. The same errors were displayed. My dad went all serious business on the phone to them in the evening. Again, they tell us to restart the HomeHub. Dude, that’s what we do before we phone the helpdesk. Contrary to popular belief, we are not daft. An engineer is forced upon us — for Monday morning. A fitful weekend without internet occurs. Thank goodness all my resources are singleplayer-orientated.

The engineer arrived, attached scary gubbins to the phone line… Yes, there’s absolutely no problem at our end, the line is perfect. He phones the exchange and “our circuit is rebuilt” — the internet connection comes back.

By the afternoon, it’s gone again. Guys, that’s the third time. I think we need a new circuit; sellotaping it back together every time is clearly not solution.

So BT are causing much rage right now.

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